I have a life and I’d like to keep it

I’m still alive. I’ve just been ignoring my blog. It isn’t that I have nothing to say or no time to say it. Nope, for the past few months, while settling into working full time again, I’ve just been feeling private. But today I read FIA’s blog commenting on Gaby Hinsliff’s article in the Observer, entitled "I had it all, but I didn't have a life". That struck a chord so I’ve decided to weigh in. In the article Hinscliff describes her busy life as a journalist and mother, and how she decided to resign because she wants to spend more time with her toddler. I think FIA and others raise very good points about father’s roles in child minding and raising kids, and about the fact that it is often a necessity, not a choice, for the mother to work (one must feed one’s children). But when I read Hinscliff, I could relate to her inner struggle and how part of her was lost as she struggled to have it all. I have always been one of those people who prided herself in working long hours. I often worked late and worked weekends before child. I liked it, even thrived on it … but isn’t fine anymore. Now I want to work normal hours and have time at home. At the moment I have that life. I like my job as a post-doc and I especially like that I can choose my own hours and that it is entirely possible for me to work 40 hours a week (not 60 or 80). I take time to spend with my family, to take walks in the park, to exercise, and even to spend some much needed time alone. I have a life both in and out of work, and I like it. However, even in this ideal situation I still feel the pressure to work more, to put in hours on weekends (like I did regularly before child). No one pressures me about this, the pressure comes from inside. So I worry about the future and about how much stronger the urge to work more would be if I were in a tenure track position where the stakes were high and there was much more pressure. Again I doubt anyone would overtly put pressure on me to work more hours a week or to give up time with my family. But I would put pressure on myself. This would be true even if my husband decided to pick up the slack and take care of the housework and our child so that I could work more. I am lucky enough to have a guy who would do this, but I would not want him to. In fact I sometimes feel pity when I talk to men at conferences that have young kids and a “stay at home wife” who takes care of everything for them. Sure they’ll have more publications and beat me in a job search, but what are they trading off? I like it that my husband and I share equally and I’d like to keep it that way. Maybe that’s why I sometimes wonder sometimes whether or not I want to start applying for tenure track positions sooner rather than later. It is a tough choice since a tenure track position would bring much needed financial security, health benefits and many other things that help when one as a family. I also think I’d like the job and that I’d do a good job. I hope when the time comes I’ll be able to find peace within myself, so as not to feel that I am trading off family for work or work for family. What I’d really love would be a part-time faculty position. In her article Hinscliff mentions the Dutch model – where parents are encouraged to do "one and a half jobs" between them, with both sexes reducing their hours. I lived in the Dutch system for awhile – before child. Then I thought that model was somewhat strange. But now the tables are turned and I think they’ve got it right. I’d love a part-time tenure track position. The trade-off would be less pay and a longer wait for tenure, but the benefit would be, for me at least, peace of mind. I think that would be lovely - for both sexes.