Likes and Dislikes

Inspired by a post from Girlpostdoc I have written a list of my likes and dislikes about academic science. What a great exercise - I highly recommend it.

Likes
• Intellectual engagement (i.e. time left alone to read, write and learn new things, but also time spent with others pursuing those activities)
• Creative work that is always different
• Flexible hours and duties
• One-on-one and small group teaching
• Travel (for fieldwork and conferences)
• Publishing - I enjoy getting page proofs and I love it when a paper comes out
• Churning out data – I get great satisfaction when things are going well
• Refining methods to make them more efficient and comfortable
• Data entry (weird I know … but when combined with other things I like it)
• Exploring data (taking a look at those first results and using them to decide what to do next)
• Debating how science is done and how it is taught – philosophy of science
• At a deep level I like to have adventures and then tell people about them (usually via writing and sometimes pictures). In a way that is what science is. Each new project (or subproject or question) is an adventure, you need to plan the best way to do it (write the grant), do it (collect the data) while making decisions and changes along the way, and then consolidate all the new information and tell people about it (analysis, presentation at conferences and writing).

Dislikes
• Tight job market for tenured and tenure-track positions
• The extreme workload (which can unbalance the work-family equilibrium) when on the tenure-track (or so I’ve read and heard)
• Job insecurity and lack of benefits in untenured jobs (i.e. post-doc, adjunct researcher, sessional lecturer)
• The ivory tower syndrome: the feeling that I am reaching a small group of people about a very narrow topic – scientists who find time to reach the public are real inspirations for me
• Constantly dealing with rejection (it gets easier after a while, but it remains unpleasant)
• Geographic limitations when looking for a tenure-track job (Am I willing to live in a place I hate for a job?)
• Dispassionate “soulless” academic writing (although I’ve realized that the some established scientists have managed to keep their writing both passionate and academic)
• Having to do things over and over without results (i.e. when a method just doesn’t work and I can’t figure out why)
• The way that science frowns upon intuition when it is often the basis of new hypotheses. Sometimes I think the baby gets thrown out with the bathwater when new ideas fly in the face of the status quo.

A rant

Picture this. It is 8 in the evening and your phone rings. You are a young mother with a toddler vying for your attention. As a post-doc you make an OK salary but you have to cut corners to make ends meet since you have a family. It doesn’t help that you are fully taxed on this salary despite being ineligible for benefits such as a pension, unemployment insurance, dental care etc. That is your situation as you pick up the phone. A representative from your Internet (and phone) provider is on the lone offering you a contract. For the past year and a half you have been avoiding contracts because you don’t want to get locked into a bum deal. But you know your student discount rate is ending soon, so you listen to the person on the phone. The person knows that you are on a student (or near student) income and that you have a toddler to support. This representative of the corporation tells you that if you agree to a 1-year contract you can keep your current service and price. This sounds like a good deal so you repeat the terms – same service, same price – and agree to the contract. The person on the phone informs you that there will be a $100 charge if you break the contract. OK.

Two weeks later you get your Internet bill and the charges have gone up nearly 30%! You are not pleased. This is not what you agreed to. You call the Internet (and phone) provider. You are armed with the confirmation number and the name of the person who first offered you the deal. The phone company tells you they are very very sorry for the inconvenience, but there is nothing they can do. Either you pay the extra 30%, or your bill goes up by a mere 10%, but you service is decreased by 40%. So less service for a higher price AND you are locked in for a year. You NEVER would have agreed to this, but you were blatantly lied to. Well this happened to me. A certain company with a 4 letter name starting with B and ending with L essentially phoned me at 8 pm and lied to me to lock me into a year long contract. This is worse than false advertising, its fraud. I don’t think large corporations should be able to treat clients this way. I told them on the phone that I intended to tell everyone I knew about this. I know as a single person I can’t do much. But at least I can warn you.

Seeing the magic in the everyday routine

It has been awhile since I last blogged and I apologize. Life has been good, but lately we seem to have gotten lost in the day-today routine. Both Hubby and I are happy with what we are working at, but I think lately we’ve both been frustrated that things are not progressing as fast as we might like, or that the details are not working as we had planned. It is so easy to get bogged down in negativity, even when life is good. It seems like we’ve been dragging ourselves from one task to the next without enjoying the tasks themselves. So today I’m trying to remind myself that even though the pace and details of progress at work might not go as planned, there still is progress. And this progress is being made in part because I’ve enlisted the help of some great people while at the same time giving these people opportunities they might not otherwise have. At home as at work I need to pay attention in order to see the magic of life amid the cooking, cleaning and preparing that needs to be done. Our toddler is doing amazing things these days. When he wakes up in the morning we can hear him singing to himself and conversing with his stuffed animals. When he is finished with that he starts calling out to us and asking questions like “Are you still sleeping?”. His imagination is wonderful and he has tea parties, cooks us imaginary food, and pretends to be swimming underwater or flying. He does this without fancy toys, simply using ordinary kitchen tools, blankets and his mind. He dances for us, and he sings, using just about anything as a play microphone. We have conversations (albeit simple) about the things we do together on the weekends and he tells us bits and pieces about what happens at daycare. At night when it gets dark he earnestly tells us “It’s night again”. He is growing and maturing in leaps and bounds, and it is wondrous, even with the messes and tantrums and seemingly endless chores. We just need to look harder and see the wonder in the everyday routine.

Student-Professional Social

I did my PhD in a place where PhD students are considered employees - they do not pay tuition and are paid a salary for their research endeavors. Therefore, I thought I had already jumped the mental hurdle between considering myself a student and considering myself a professional. However, this week when I got invited to a Student-Professional Social as a professional rather than a student, I was flabbergasted. Although I couldn’t accept the invitation since I have to leave the conference early, I couldn’t help trying to picture myself sitting at the tables with the “big wigs” (professionals). I kept seeing myself standing in the corner, trying to muster the courage to introduce myself. I may have gotten my PhD, but that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten over shyness in conference situations. Every time I want to join a conversation, or ask a question, or introduce myself to someone, I have to talk myself into it. And here was an email asking me to sit at the tables with the professionals! Of course I do not consider myself a bigwig. I was invited because I had been invited to give a symposium talk (and this was on the recommendation of my PhD supervisors). But still, maybe its time to realize that I truly am a professional now, not just in terms of getting paid to do research, but also in terms of having some expertise that others might be interested in. But of course I’ll always be a student as well, we all are because as scientists we are always one the boundaries of our knowledge. We are always learning.

Balancing the tenure track and family without going crazy – more than just a dream?

I ended my last post musing about the idea of a part-time tenure track position. This week, the topic came up during a workshop I attended addressing the prospect of starting a family while a graduate student or post-doc. One of the panelists was a tenured professor who had successfully managed to have two kids as a grad student, and then land a tenure track position when her youngest child was two. During her presentation she mentioned that, while still pre-tenure, she decided to home school her children and work part-time. I was amazed! At the end of her presentation I asked her how she did it. Apparently, she read through her contract and determined that it was within her rights to work part-time (even though she wasn't yet tenured). She went to her Chair, and although the Chair hadn't heard of anyone doing it before her, she was granted her request. She also told me that it is also within ones rights to negotiate to work part-time during the hiring process. Of course this type of a situation remains rare and many people are not aware that they have the option. Furthermore, as Dawn Lehman discusses here, such positions come with pros and cons for both the assistant professor and their department. I'm not making any decisions yet, I still have a post-doc to do, and papers to publish, before a job offer, or any subsequent negotiations, become an option. Still, knowing that many assistant professors work about 60 hours a week, I can't help thinking that the tenure track doesn't leave much time for family. I am not adverse to working long hours. Research is a labor of love and most researchers, myself included, work long hours because they want to. However, with a young family, or an elderly parent to care for (or any number of other good reasons) working such long hours might not be the ideal situation. A half time position would work out to 30 hours a week, which seems much more feasible in terms of balancing work with family life. I would like to invest optimally in both work and family, since both are very important to me, thus it heartens me to know that while rare, a part-time tenure track position may be an option.

I have a life and I’d like to keep it

I’m still alive. I’ve just been ignoring my blog. It isn’t that I have nothing to say or no time to say it. Nope, for the past few months, while settling into working full time again, I’ve just been feeling private. But today I read FIA’s blog commenting on Gaby Hinsliff’s article in the Observer, entitled "I had it all, but I didn't have a life". That struck a chord so I’ve decided to weigh in. In the article Hinscliff describes her busy life as a journalist and mother, and how she decided to resign because she wants to spend more time with her toddler. I think FIA and others raise very good points about father’s roles in child minding and raising kids, and about the fact that it is often a necessity, not a choice, for the mother to work (one must feed one’s children). But when I read Hinscliff, I could relate to her inner struggle and how part of her was lost as she struggled to have it all. I have always been one of those people who prided herself in working long hours. I often worked late and worked weekends before child. I liked it, even thrived on it … but isn’t fine anymore. Now I want to work normal hours and have time at home. At the moment I have that life. I like my job as a post-doc and I especially like that I can choose my own hours and that it is entirely possible for me to work 40 hours a week (not 60 or 80). I take time to spend with my family, to take walks in the park, to exercise, and even to spend some much needed time alone. I have a life both in and out of work, and I like it. However, even in this ideal situation I still feel the pressure to work more, to put in hours on weekends (like I did regularly before child). No one pressures me about this, the pressure comes from inside. So I worry about the future and about how much stronger the urge to work more would be if I were in a tenure track position where the stakes were high and there was much more pressure. Again I doubt anyone would overtly put pressure on me to work more hours a week or to give up time with my family. But I would put pressure on myself. This would be true even if my husband decided to pick up the slack and take care of the housework and our child so that I could work more. I am lucky enough to have a guy who would do this, but I would not want him to. In fact I sometimes feel pity when I talk to men at conferences that have young kids and a “stay at home wife” who takes care of everything for them. Sure they’ll have more publications and beat me in a job search, but what are they trading off? I like it that my husband and I share equally and I’d like to keep it that way. Maybe that’s why I sometimes wonder sometimes whether or not I want to start applying for tenure track positions sooner rather than later. It is a tough choice since a tenure track position would bring much needed financial security, health benefits and many other things that help when one as a family. I also think I’d like the job and that I’d do a good job. I hope when the time comes I’ll be able to find peace within myself, so as not to feel that I am trading off family for work or work for family. What I’d really love would be a part-time faculty position. In her article Hinscliff mentions the Dutch model – where parents are encouraged to do "one and a half jobs" between them, with both sexes reducing their hours. I lived in the Dutch system for awhile – before child. Then I thought that model was somewhat strange. But now the tables are turned and I think they’ve got it right. I’d love a part-time tenure track position. The trade-off would be less pay and a longer wait for tenure, but the benefit would be, for me at least, peace of mind. I think that would be lovely - for both sexes.

The things that ground me

Because I am just starting a new project, the last few weeks have meant a steep learning curve for me at work. My head has been lost in the world of ideas and concepts as I try to break into a field that is relatively new to me, and is changing at a lightening pace. I’ve also been attending workshops covering an even broader subject base in order to broaden my thinking. At this point in my scientific career I am trying to get a feel for the directions in which my field and science in general are moving. Armed with that knowledge I am trying to carve out a niche for myself that will both further science and match with my own values, interests, skills and personality. It is heady work and when I come home I need some grounding. I’ve found that my toddler is absolutely excellent at this task. When I return home from work, my mind still busily working on concepts, he stands there grinning at me, and I am instantly back in the here and now. Below is a short list of some the cute things he’s does of late.

1. He dances (whenever we play music that is to his liking): spinning in circles, stomping his feet to the beat, and waving and clapping his hands.

2. He blows on his food to cool it while seriously informing me that it is hot (pronounced “ghot”).

3. He walks fascinated towards the sprinkler in the garden and then runs away when he gets wet.

4. He has learned how to squirt water from his bath toys. He did so by squirting himself in the face - much to his own astonishment.

5. He likes to wear Daddy’s giant shoes, one facing forward and the other facing backward.

6. He enjoys drinking water from the garden hose and, in the most touching fashion, he kindly shares some with his parents.

I am happy

It occurred to me the other day that I haven’t blogged in awhile and I got to thinking about why. Have I been too busy? In a way yes, but then again I have always made time to write in the past when I felt I had something to write (or rant) about. Nope, these past few weeks (even months) I realize I just don’t have that much to say. But again why? I asked my husband, who is very familiar with my rants and he gave an answer which rang very true.

“You are happy” he said.

And he is right. Professionally, I have a fellowship which allows me to do interesting research in a city I love, and I was recently offered another grant which may open the possibility of getting some help in the lab. Personally, I have a wonderfully supportive husband and I have a toddler, who gets more interesting and lovable by the day. I have had to work hard for these things - but it is worth it.

So for once it is nice not to have much to say.

Juggling multiple balls - it IS possible

These days many women (parents really, but often women still bare the brunt of the workload) struggle to balance careers in science with starting a family and raising children. It is a juggling act in the best of times. But many are acting as roles models and showing that it is possible. For me there was an extra ball to juggle – career in science, young child, and a husband for a country deemed “undesirable” by countries with the best research funding. For years (even before having a child) my husband’s immigration status has caused us grief and has impacted my efforts at a career in science. Even in more tolerant countries I have lost hours of work time filling in stacks of immigration forms. Anywhere we go he needs a visa, a work permit etc. and whereas for me these are relatively easy to obtain – for him immigration bureaucracy is often a nightmare. When I became pregnant we decide to bite the bullet and apply for resident status for him in my home country. We had already battled through 8 years of visa applications and for the residency application we produced a veritable forest of forms documenting our lives (together as well as before we met) for 10 years! The application also cost a fair deal of money (which on a single grad student income was not spent lightly). Even though we had been married for over 5 years we waited with bated breath for the immigration decision. When the response was positive we were elated. But when we arrived in my home country we realized that as a newly minted PhD my work prospects were not great. The governing politicians were somewhat anti-science and funding was being slashed. Of course as a new immigrant my husband’s job prospects were not great either. So we struggled, him sending out resumes and me writing grants. For months we subsisted (with a young child) on next to nothing but odd jobs and the kindness of my former supervisors who provided me pay for contract research. Friends from Europe sent post-doc job postings with great salaries and benefits; they tempted us to come back. But we struggled with that option because we did not want to lose my husband’s residency in my home country. So we waited over six months while grant applications were evaluated – and we survived, poor but happy.

This week I found out that at least one of my grant applications was funded. This means we’ll be able to stay in my home country and we can even live in the same city as my parents (who will provide much needed support and sometimes needed supplementary childcare). Additionally, we’ll be able to stay in a wonderful neighbourhood and I’ll be working in a top notch lab and doing exciting research. So the take home message, for anyone reading this, trying to juggle many balls and losing hope is that it is possible to succeed! Write grant applications like mad, survive financially any way you can (within reason), and keep the faith. It IS possible!

Classical music lover

The other day my toddler did the most fascinating thing. We were listening to the radio and a gorgeous performance of Handel’s Messiah was played. When it started I took note of the beauty of the music. My son was intensely concentrating on his toy, but as the music started, he stopped and looked up. Then he started to sway to the music and he turned his head towards the radio. Finally he stood up and walked clear across the room to stand right under the radio. When he got there he looked at the speakers and started to clap. I think we have a classical music lover on our hands!